Despite my husband’s interest in my musing, he's never asked, “What were the most disturbing thoughts you had today, honey?” Yet most nights, I'd share them anyway....just as he was trying to relax for the evening.
“What do you think Asma is up to?.....You know the wife of President Assad. She was raised in England. Did you know she runs a democratic household? The Assad children actually get to vote on family decisions. I just Googled her and apparently after all these months of silence, an email was sent from her office saying she supports her husband's presidency of Syria. I think her press secretary wrote it....and only because they had a gun to their head........ Did you see those daffodils in the garden? I'd enjoy them more if they didn't make me think about global warming and hungry polar bears....... Today I watched a TED Talk on the link between the introduction of engineered proteins in our foods and the dramatic escalation of food allergies in children. Did you know that US companies leave some of the artificial stuff out when they sell the same products in Europe? Europe says, 'Nope. It's not proven safe.' We say, 'If it hasn’t been proven to kill anyone - Bring it on.' .....I’m hungry. Do you want a snack before we go to bed?"
I could and often would go on. That's because like many in this day and age, I've excelled at scanning the world for negative information. The abundance on our screens and at our fingertips makes this an easy skill to master, as does the almost complete absence of positive news in the media.
Recently, however, and without an underlying motive, my husband sent me a link to a different TED Talk. The speaker was Shaun Achor from the Positive Psychology Department at Harvard. He was discussing research that shows that when we're experiencing happiness, the learning centers of our brains turn on. This raises our intelligence, creativity, energy and productivity. Add to this, other research that shows the impact of happiness on physical health and longevity and you realize the bombardment of awful information isn't just holding us back, it's harming us.
His first suggestion is to write down three things we're grateful for each day. Though familiar with these concepts, this time they hit home. Maybe it was the "scientific research" as opposed to "self-help" or the images of brains lighting up, or maybe it was the recognition that many of my thoughts were wearing me down and taking away from my amazing reality - I have a loving and fun family, meaningful work, the basic comforts and more.
“Tonight we’re going to start rewiring our brains. We're going to flood them with dopamine," I announce over dinner. "Each night we’re going to list at least three fabulous things that happened that day. While we’re endless thankful for each other, we have to be more specific and keep our lists fresh. None of this means that if something happened that's making us mad, sad or scared, that we can't talk about that too...(unless of course it was something I searched for on Google.)"
And so nightly my husband, daughter and I have enthusiastically looked forward to sharing our overflowing lists. I wouldn't have taken this seriously a month ago. Now when I drop my daughter off for school, I remind her or she reminds me to "be on the look out" for moments that were there all along - moments that we'll catch, savor and bring home for dinner.
For me this evolving habit has made me not less aware, but less focused on the negative. I'm more energetic, more productive and better able to take on daily things I need to do even if they're unpleasant. I was happy before, but am happier now. More than that, I've learned that understanding the value of gratitude is not the same as intentionally building it into our lives the way we do our meals, exercise, chores, etc. I'm learning that one of the easiest ways to impact a child's life - their physical health, their happiness, their ability to learn new information, to problem solve and to create, is to teach them (everyday) to notice the good and be grateful.
Recently my father sent me a video of my now gratitude role model, Alice Herz-Sommer. This 108 year old exceedingly positive woman lives alone in London and still plays the piano three hours a day. She is the oldest living Holocaust survivor. The book “A Garden of Eden in Hell” is about her life in the Nazi concentration camp Terezin, where music was her salvation (she gave more than 100 concerts to her fellow prisoners). Her book tells of her struggle to create a happy childhood for her son who was with her and also survived.
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart